I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize
