Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
