Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
