we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
