just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
