All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
