he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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