I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
