Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
