I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
