Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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