3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
