dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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