i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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