you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
