Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
