some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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