I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
