She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
There are leaves in my underwear?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
