I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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