i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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