three words: i give head
three words: not that well
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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