Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
