I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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