I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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