I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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