have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
