So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
