Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
