woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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