I wish I could teleport
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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