I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
