It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
