The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
