I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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