it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
