He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
