i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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