idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
