I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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