Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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