Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
