the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
