I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
