He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I smell like Dick and happiness
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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