She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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