Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
