I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
