god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
