The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
