so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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