I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
