I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
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